I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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