Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
