ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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