Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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