so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
