Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
