Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
