Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
if only i could text you this smell
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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