He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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