Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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