do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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