There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
