Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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