dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
