I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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