but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
