I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize