I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
