Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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