P.S. I can't hear my feet
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
These tits shall not be calmed
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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