sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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