using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
