My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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