I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
