TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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