You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
