Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Green mimosas i think yes
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
