Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm both gender and math confused
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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