Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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