I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize