so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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