haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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