I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
