Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
