OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
