So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
