I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize