ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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