youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
