Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
