i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
