I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
