Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
