Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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