Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
