suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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