I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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