she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
