2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
