I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize