Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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