i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
