I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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