he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
