so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You ruined the universe
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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