There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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