My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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