god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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