I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
