Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
