I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
