he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
