I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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