that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
