I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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