So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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