i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
