It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
