this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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