just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
