Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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