The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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