Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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