we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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