He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
