I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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