A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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