This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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