I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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