I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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