I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
