just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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