Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Randomize
