: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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