i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Sorry about my life...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
