he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
