I wanna bring you to show and tell
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize