i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
