Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
