Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
