never play flip cup with pint glasses
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
