Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize