I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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