I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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