so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
