Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize