I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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