Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
