We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
