Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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